August 03, 2006

You work hard for your money

I have problems with settling. Not just for myself but against seeing other people settle in many capacities. I have no idea where my life is going to go for the next year starting September 1st, 2006 but I know its not staying here at the pension company because that is too close to settling.

Dramatic within my own head, I normally project misery and an unfulfilled hollow sense that those who work in offices like this and factories, etc, cannot truly be happy and have therefore ultimately settled on the mortal level. When I worked at the factory it was a much more pervasive feeling because the factory sucks the life directly from your veins. It was living for the weekend to the extreme; especially if you were unlucky enough to be on the afternoon shift (I will maintain that the night shift is not as bad as the afternoon). What you do at a factory, and at a lot of office jobs, you don’t actually care about, it doesn’t actually make a worthwhile positive impact on the world. They’re just means to an end, a way to pay the bills and keep living for the weekend.

The thing that kills me, thinking about the factory, was that full time people have to do this EVERY day ad infinitum (until you retire) with minimal vacation. You only get to not come for two weeks out of the year (and don’t think people get extra for Christmas) and so there’s no real break from the monotony and noise of oily machinery (or tappy keyboards and stupid little phones). That’s why I like school; school comes in 4 month increments. For 4 months my life I focus on this set of 5 courses then I get Christmas. For another 4 months its another 5 courses, then it’s the summer. For 4 months I do whatever I do, work, go to India, what now. I like that; I need change that’s not unforeseeable.

I see people doing these jobs, and its definitely not what they wanted to be when they grew up, and I feel very sad and hopeless for them. However, I never see them at home with their families or hobbies or anything, but work takes up so much of your life. I find that more of your life is eaten by the earlier you have to be at work. Sure you get home earlier, but going to bed at 10 pm? Are you kidding? That’s when its all just getting started! I don’t want people to be disappointed in their lives, but who could stop anyone from settling, if that’s what they decide they need to do.

I’m just a dreamer with wild ambitions whose foolish enough to work towards those ambitions. I’m very against settling, its just not worth it.

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